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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963044">Cass in hiding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraftyBtch94/pseuds/CraftyBtch94'>CraftyBtch94</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Blood and Injury, Cutting, Drinking, F/M, Forced Relationship, Gay, Guilty Pleasures, Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:53:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26963044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraftyBtch94/pseuds/CraftyBtch94</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not sure honestly where this is going, Cass was forced to move out of his home due to homophobic parents being in the church and he has a crush on his neighbor Dean, but thinks he is a straight man. There are scenes where self harm is mentioned and described. Not sure if I will continue this or not will see how this plays out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Charlie Bradbury &amp; Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cass in hiding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW There is self harm in this, please don't read if this may effect you mentally.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were times when he wanted excitement in his life, but nothing ever happened to him like it did for others. All of his friends were getting married, having kids, getting job promotions, following their dreams, but him he didn't have any of that not even someone to share his life with. Every time he was out was just a disappointment at this point, he wanted change but didn't know how to go about getting it.<br/>

All of his efforts to get to where he wanted to be in life were fruitless and always a disappointment after hours of interviews and no call backs. He was just stuck in his dead end job another day which just made the hole in his chest even worse. He would give it another week, maybe, to look for more in his life. His parents were not helpful either, constantly wanting him to go into the church business or anything to do with religion honestly, it was just all too tiring.<br/>

Cass held onto his medications as tightly as he could, he knew he was lying to his therapist because they always reported to his family about what he was saying during their sessions, which in turn made his meds too low of doses to actually be working. He had wait his meds a long time ago because there was no positive change to his moods and life that he could see since he recorded everyday. If he were to take all of them then no one would have to worry anymore if he was eating, if he was taking his meds, if he was happy at work or in life anymore. All of the problems would be gone and he would be away from everyone who didn't support him anymore.<br/>

Holding his knees he just cried through the night, his body shaking at the thought of suicide, he had never wanted to do that before let alone play with the idea. Was he really this messed up now? Should he go to a different therapist behind his family's back and just go to two different people? That would be too expensive unfortunately, but so would a funeral if he decided to off himself that night.<br/>

"What should I do...? Someone please help me..." He whispered with a shaking voice into his knees. The world was just testing him and crushing him to the ground even more than what he thought was possible. A rasp on his door brought him back instantly where he wiped away his face of tears and slapped his face a few times to compose himself to see who was there.<br/>
The peephole showed a tall man in front of him, he was rough looking but... pretty? Deep forest green eyes seemed to be looking right at him even though there was a door in-between them. His heart sunk, was he too loud? Was he bothering his neighbor? How many other people could hear him crying in his bedroom? The man knocked once more with more strength trying to get Cass' attention. He made sure the chain lock was latched before opening the door.<br/>

"Hi," His voice was deep and just enchanting, "I heard some noises, everything ok?" Oh fuck he did hear, of course he heard how would he not hear a grown man crying in the middle of the night? There was no hiding his red face and puffy eyes, thank god he could only crack his door from the chain lock.<br/>

"Yeah just watching a movie is all sorry, I'll keep it down." He played it off well enough on his side of things, but the stranger wasn't convinced it seemed.<br/>

"Okay, Well I'm just next door if you need 'anything' at all." He smiled lightly trying to see Cass more than what he was being given before heading back to his apartment.<br/>

How was someone like him living in a dump like this? Why did someone so handsome have to live next door to him, especially sharing a wall that was connected to his bedroom? He had to find a way to be alone, maybe he could go back to living with Meg? She was understanding and it wasn't like he was forced out of her home he left because he found himself by living with her. He would call in the morning, well maybe when she got home from work so that she didn't have to give him an answer right away. This wasn't the first time someone has come knocking at his door anyways.<br/>

The morning couldn't come around soon enough, he just needed to get his mind off of those green eyes, for the first time in a long time he couldn't wait to go to work where he left two hours early, maybe they would let him get overtime? At least no one would bother him at work, usually there weren't many who gossiped through the day or bugged him for much other than lifting heavy things or fixing a machine.<br/>

"You're here early, what's going on?" He forgot that his brother worked the morning, which he tried to avoid at all cost, but it seemed to be a refuge for him today.<br/>

"Just needed the extra money." Cass was short, clocked in, and just went about his day like normal. He didn't want to talk to anyone though his brother didn't seem to understand that very well.<br/>

"Come one Cassie, just let me know what's going on. Girl problems?" He was probing, hopefully he wouldn't say the wrong things. "Money problems?"<br/>

"Gabe please just leave me be, I want to just be here to get my mind away from everything else." He tried his hardest to just work, but Gabe followed him everywhere the rest of his 4 hours shift. He was now just wanting to go home at this point, he now had 6 hours left since he got there early.<br/>

"Cass, just let me know if you need anything, you know I'm the cool sibling out of all of us." Gabe gave a strong pat on Cass' back before leaving to his other job. He was a workaholic or he just didn't want to be at home either. Living in their parent's basement was a nightmare though he was so close to leaving with how he was able to save money.</p><p>	Getting home was going to be awful like usual without a car, he should just move closer to the city where he worked, but with rent being so high how would he afford it, living so far away from the city was helping him save money sadly. But today after 10 hours of work he didn't want to walk another hour to get back home.<br/>

"Hey Clarence, what do you need?" Her voice was always so welcoming to listen to, it always made him wonder why he chose to leave her.<br/>

"Hi Meg, can I ask for a ride home?" He was bright red with embarrassment, she didn't know where he lived now, what would she say? Would she be grossed out? Would she say no? Why did she even answer? Why is he so worried about all of this?<br/>
"Of course sugar, you still working the same place?" She gave a soft chuckle, keys jingled in the background indicating she was now on her way out the door.<br/>

"Yes, thank you." He hung up the phone as normal, no goodbyes, no see you soon, just dropping the call. This time though he called her back immediately, knowing that was part of the reason she ended up disliking him so much. "Hey uhm... I'm sorry I forgot to say that I will see you soon. I'll just be in front of the store."<br/>

"Okay, see you soon." She was taken aback by this, he never, NEVER did this for anyone, was he trying to get back with her? Did he want to be back with her? No, of course not, they were toxic for one another, it was for the best right?<br/>

The car ride was too short, he missed her company. It had been a few months since they last saw one another and the bond was still there thank goodness he didn't ruin it from him leaving. They joked and smiled and laughed the whole way back to his home, and once they were just around the corner he got that sense of embarrassment again of her seeing where he lived, he didn't want to look like a bum to her.<br/>

When they approached the stop sign he let her know he was going to walk the rest of the way, she didn't question it. He didn't move from the curb until she was out of sight in case she was wanting to loop back around to see where he lived. No one in his personal life knew where he lived, only those who he chose to bring home and those were just one night stands to feel someone, something, other than the hole he formed. His walls were built up so high the only thing Gabriel knew was that he worked in a warehouse with him and didn't have a car, and that's all his parents knew as well. His friends didn't even know that he was carless, only Meg knew that and kept it a secret since it was what Cass wanted.<br/>
Getting to his apartment he saw those green eyes once more, but he was getting followed by a beautiful red haired woman, there was really no chance of even asking him anything. He hid behind the corner when the woman looked over towards, his heart beat so fast it felt like it might just explode. Now he looked suspicious! Why would he hide away like this? Now hw would be known as the hiding crybaby to this beautiful man and his gorgeous girlfriend.<br/>

Once he heard their door close he made his way back home, he was no longer thinking. He forgot to lock his door like he usually did religiously to make his way to his restroom grabbing his pills. He was silently crying trying not raise his neighbor's attention especially now that there was someone with him. If he just downed these he would be free of the world and all of these feelings he couldn't handle anymore. When he made his way into the kitchen to get a glass of water he peeked over at his kitchen knife set. Maybe he could... It meant he wouldn't leave the world like he wanted to, just would be happier in small amounts right? Would this help?<br/>

He was all ready holding his smallest knife against his wrist, but that was be noticeable, maybe his upper arms? What about his thighs, that would be hidden well right? Without thought he was seeing blood down his arm, it was warm as it spilled from the cut he created subconsciously. It felt nice, better than he was wanting it to sadly, there was a rush of serotonin that he hadn't felt in years.</p>
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